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Relationships without sex: pure love or a problem?

1 июня 2019, в 18:20


Relationships without sex: pure love or a problem?


Sex without love happens - no one doubts that. Is there a reverse situation: a real platonic relationship? What hides and what causes the lack of sex in a relationship? And can the union of two adults be happy without physical intimacy?

Is there no sex in your relationship? Today it is not such a rarity. Platonic alliances are not limited to older couples who have lived together for several decades and may no longer have sex needs or have health problems.

Thousands of search engine queries suggest that many couples between the ages of 30 and 50 have sex only a few times a year or less. What to do if there is no physical intimacy in the relationship?


First, remember that sex is only part of living together, important, but far from the only one. Unlike nutrition, sleep, or breathing, sexual function is not vital - it is a fact.

It often happens that both partners have agreed on a platonic relationship and are happy together. In this case, you can not say that something is wrong with them, because this is a choice that suits them both. We are all different, and our need for sex is influenced by many factors: health, education, religious beliefs, temperament and mood. There is no exact indication of how much sex should be in a relationship.


Of course, the modern world dictates to us that the more sex, the better. At such moments it is important not to lose touch with yourself and with your true desires. If you and your partner are really satisfied with the relationship without physical intimacy, then you should not look back at the rest.



No proximity, but there is a problem?

Another thing is if the rejection of sex occurred some time after the beginning of the relationship and it seemed to be itself, and was not the result of a conscious choice of both partners. If so, then, most likely, problems have arisen in your relationship that one of the partners is trying to conceal in this way.


There is only one key to success - communication. It is very important to get to the truth and understand what caused this choice of a loved one. The topic is delicate, so do not start a conversation with accusations and complaints. Say that you are worried about the current situation and you want to return to the previous relationship, which brought you great pleasure. Carefully ask what the cause of abstinence is and if you can help in any way. Do not forget to say that you have always enjoyed the sexual aspect of your intimacy and do not want to lose this pleasure.


And remember: a serious relationship is a union of two people, so any decision within the couple must be made together. You have the right to know why the partner changed his behavior without discussing the decision with you. Only by understanding what the real reason is, can you help your partner and understand what to do next.



Man and woman in bed

What are the reasons why men and women can refuse sex?


There are many reasons for rejecting physical proximity. For example, the philosopher and author of the book “How to think more about sex,” Allan de Botton believes that, despite all the benefits of sex for the soul and body, our time is not very conducive to physical intimacy. When from each source of information we get a huge amount of details about sex, it creates the feeling that everyone is doing more and better than us. Such increased sexualization of everything around can cause complexes, frustrations and, ultimately, lead to the rejection of sex.


Female failure: reasons


Women can “engage” in intimate life due to painful experiences in the past (difficult childbirth, illness, surgery), which causes a subconscious fear of getting pregnant or becoming ill and experiencing suffering again. Excessive stress at home and the upbringing of children, the monotonous atmosphere, the propaganda of the cult of youth and beauty can also negatively affect women's desire for intimacy.


Male failure: reasons


In our society, it is more common to joke about female "headaches", because of which they refuse partners in sex. However, men choose relationships without sex at least. The most common causes can be found in childhood. For example, men who grew up in an incomplete family and were raised by women, or grew up in a full family with a very authoritarian female part, often have less need for sex than other members of their own sex. In the book The Role of the Father in the Child Development Process, professors at Cambridge University argue that men who spend too much time with their mother (either with their grandmother or other relatives) stop seeing the opposite sex as something interesting and inviting. Women become too clear for them, "their own in the board." And with the representatives of your gender do not want to have sex. Excessive stress at work is also one of the main reasons for refusing sex among men. Taking antidepressants, as one of the ways to cope with stress, reduces desire and problems in the sexual sphere.


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